I’m so freaking tired that I yelled loudly at my two year old for purposefully banging together two toys right next to Bumblebee’s head after I finally got him down for a nap. Finally, after spending hours in the middle of the night trying to keep him asleep for months. Finally after spending a half an hour trying to get him down for a meager 20 mine nap. Literally 30 seconds after his eyes were finally closed, she stopped her play to come over to do this. I apologized and gave her a hug and a kiss a minute later, I know it doesn’t excuse my outburst and feel crappy about it. I feel pushed close to my stress limit.
I just felt so pissed off because I get no peace. It is supposed be better by now. Not perfect, but better. If anything it feels worse because I have a complete hopelessness that it will improve. Ever. I’m crying writing this, I’m so tired. Those words don’t even begin to describe the mental exhaustion I feel right now. It’s a feeling there constantly, and while I feel this I have to care for two littles’ constant needs. That is hard, because you don’t really get breaks when “Mommy” is your job title.
*I’m not really looking for suggestions on how to get my kid to sleep, thank you for the thought but it will pain me to explain that I’ve already tried it. I only wrote this to get the words out of my mind. I already feel better having putting these thoughts down.
Really, Bumblebee needs to not wake up four times before 11pm and then every 2-3hours afterwards. Mama needs a good night of sleep. At least one good night.
So at this point in my journey to living healthier, I have lost 43 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight since the little man has made his appearance. It is awesome, it is a achievement that I never thought I would reach. Mostly it started out with just changing the way I eat. I can’t eat hamburger anymore and fried foods make me sick. Chinese style takeout makes nauseous just at the thought. I’ve taken it too the next level and have started eating Paleo. I would say I eat about 80% Paleo in a given day. I still eat oatmeal, I still have a tablespoon or two of Natural Bliss creamer in my coffee. All the rest I omit because my body just runs better, and more efficient. My allergy induced asthma has been non existent since I started this lifestyle. My peace of mind is better over what I eat; because if I indulge and have delicious piece of cake, chocolate, or any other dessert then I need not worry of this sabotaging my diet. It is the exception not the constant in my diet now. I’m kind of in love with how it has changed my views of the purpose of food… to fuel our bodies to do the best of their abilities.
And speaking of abilities, I started back at the gym on Monday and I’m kind of impressed by my muscles’ memories. It’s been a year since I’ve been on a stationary bike, and I was able to jump back into it. I did six miles in a little under 20 minutes. It is my go to exercise because I can get a good workout in fast. Also started day one of Couch to 5K. The prospect of getting back into running is exciting to me. I’m planning to run a 5K in September with my bestie Chelsey. All the more motivation to stick with it.
And with that I’m out, this mama needs some downtime now that the littles are sleeping.
It has been hard for me to set aside the time to write here this last month. Bumblebee has been teething, so my normally peaceful son has been irritated by these invasive teeth. Thankfully the teeth have emerged so he isn’t a cranky hot mess anymore and is back to his peaceful self. He still isn’t a perfect sleeper, but I will take a happy during the day baby even if it means he wakes up a lot in the night.
Miss Ladybug is also teething, molars to be precise. They are playing this fun little game where the break the gum line and then recede. Over, and over, and over. It has been our own little version of Toddler Hell in our household, fraught with tantrums and not enough caffeine to balance it out. I honestly wish it was acceptable to have the emotional range of a toddler so I could just go cry in the corner, but I hoist up my big girl panties and all is good. Luckily I was able to get a two day break in, because the in-laws were able to take Ladybug for two nights. It was so nice to just watch crappy tv shows and relax.
During those two nights, James also had the stomach flu so it wasn’t so great for him. It was nice having him home a lot more though because he had to call in to work.
That’s us in a nutshell during the weeks I couldn’t write. This last week has been good though, so I have some nice new posts scheduled over the next couple days. Cheers.